Thursday, May 18, 2006
Some personal time...
I was thinking about a friend when it hit me suddenly that something might have happened to her... I checked the dates on my desktop calendar once more and i quickly reached for my phone. How are you my dear friend? Have you deliver? as i keyed my sms... Only then I realised that its about time i pay some attention to people other than Stev. I realised i had miss out a lot... on my own personal life.
Soon after, I received an sms from my friend announcing the birth of her lovely baby boy.. They had named him Kaydeon, and i so like that name.
Jing, my sister did not hesitate to show her discontentment at me one night when she realised i was going to leave the house and spend the night over at Stev.. It was 10.30 in the evening and i was don in my oversized "meant-for-sleeping" t-shirt...
"Going over to stev's? So late already? Cant you spend more time with us, at home? You are going to get married to him real soon and you have a long long time to spend with him!"
I was taken aback by what she said. I tried very very hard to search for a good reason to why i seems to be enjoying myself doing this.. sleeping over at stev's place so i can drive his car to and fro work. I am tired.. yes, physically and mentally.. i am not resting well... i am stress and i miss my family... i miss my own personal time... so why am i doing this?
I couldnt find a "good-enough" reason, i cant even make up a simple excuse... I am guilty, ashamed of myself, call myself their elder sister....
I think i should spend some time.. re-focusing on what i really want to do with myself for these couple of months.
I thought of my friend and her new baby.. i feel excited... Stev and i have been talking about having a baby.. Even more so, i think... i should treasure my single-hood.. theres only a few months left before everything in my life starts to go all over places again.. a new home, a husband, a baby.. I think my sister is right.
I need my personal time back... at least for a little while, some time for me to catch up on my readings, my writings, my home-facials, my nails and my ironings...
loveris blogged at 2:01 PM
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Tuesday, May 09, 2006
The Thing with Maine...
Maine's still coughing and i spend most of last week teaching her how to expel phlegm from her throat. She succeeded only once and spit out some yellowish phlegm on a piece of tissue i'm holding. It was then, she realise what i've been telling her is true afterall... Those kind of small talk you made to kids... "Must spit them out.. if not, it will stay in your throat and you will never recover..."
You know, Maine had really grown up a lot. I am not sure if i should feel happy or sad about this.. i know, she is capable of hurting me now and she demostrated it through her defiances. Last weekend wasnt exactly a good weekend for us mother and child. I was angry most of the time.. "Maine, keep your toys! Maine, stop messing up! Maine, come and drink your water!" Maine, go and sleep now!" I got more and more frustrated when Maine chose "silence" as her counter-reactive tool to deal with my naggings. The more i wanted her to do her things right, the more she wanted to act against my wishes.
I tried to stay cool-headed. Maybe she's just cranky, she just got well...
I got to find out eventually that Maine is actually angry with me. I think she overheard my conversation with Stev on our Bangkok trip this upcoming weekend. She murmured something about that in front of me, but when i asked her she said nothing and looked away.
I took a while to made her understand that Stev and I arent going to enjoy ourselves holidaying, we are there to shop for stuffs to fill up our new house. I got worried for a while when she didnt seems to understand... but all the doubts were cast away when Maine throw arms around me... "Mummy, i wasnt angry with you.. i am just sad cause i know i wont be seeing you next week.. i am going to miss you so much.."
loveris blogged at 1:27 PM
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
What did she say?
Mothers' day is round the corner.. There's a contest on radio, participants are suppose to inmitate their mothers most common said sentence.. it never fail to make me laugh listening to what they says.. then, stev ask me... what did your mum likes to says? Then he squeaked in high pitches, "Ah boy arh... " He looked at me... I looked back and said plainly.. "i cannot remember what my mum likes to says to us... It had been a long time since i last saw my mum.."
Dajie.... coming home today?
Yes. Today coming but will be quite late.
Jie... i think we really v long din talk le... u also seldom join our family meal.. Really miss your existence. Guess u'll have lots time v stev after u marry.. Mayb try to spend more time with us for these few precious month? Possible?
Seriously speaking.. what happened on my birthday still stays in my head. Thats y i tend to avoid home when San is around. Its v difficult to say how exactly i feel. I dun blame her, nor angry, nor sad, just feel not that comfortable together already. I also miss u all a lot. Also another reason is i get to use stev car to and fro work if i stay over... really more convenient as we work until v late these days..
Ok lo. If u really think tis way, i cant do anythin. I know i cant feel wad u feel.. but we're sisters, 5 of us. i noe drivin bring convenience to u. But dosent we worth your inconvenience. i know u're busy v ya house.. tat y i dun expect u to come back everyday, but at least 4 to 5 days a week. Tis is my true feelin n tots. U see, i dun even hav a chance to tell u tis. If u really wan run forever n rather convenient than be v us, i can do nth le.
I will be home tonight and tomo. Sat and Sun. Dun feel hurt or anything k by what i feel. My daily routines end around 9pm. Most convenient way is to go to stev's place. Days when i have nothing to do aft work, i will be at home. Seems like there isnt many free days for me in a week. I am v tired, now.. i sometimes resort to drinking to help me sleep these days.
I know u're tired. U can only sleep well at home. U dun need any liquor. I'm not hurt or wad... jus tat i wan ensure u tat we still love u. Dun u feel leftout.
I noe... in fact i am always guilty for not coming back. My work is stressing me out now. Not so much my new house. Lets have dinner tomo then if i reach home in time.
Em... okay. we'll have dinner tgt tomo, if your time permit. I'm out for movie. Do spend time v mummy. she misses us.
She's here?
loveris blogged at 1:10 PM
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Monday, May 01, 2006
Maine's sick
I've been looking forward to this long weekend for sometimes now.. I never fail to appreciate a long weekend. 3 days of quality rest, quality time with Maine and Stev.. Ive been planning a great deal.. supposed to go to ikea to get some curtain rods on saturday and to attend some carnival on Monday at Downtown East. Maine had been looking forward to it for weeks..
Maine fell ill on Friday morning.. but i only got to know on Saturday morning when Stev and I went to collect her from her gran's for her weekly ballet classes. It was outside their family clinic when we met and my heart stop to beat the moment i set my eyes on her frail body. I was talking to her granny when i realised Stev had joined us.. he stood beside me equally concerned. I tried not to let my astonishment showed.. This is the first time he showed himself in front of Maine's grans (my ex- parents in laws).. I bet he must be worried about Maine too...
When people says "Little gesture means a lot".. i guess this is what it mean.
Maine's still feverish.. it had been 3 days and she hasnt been getting better. I'm worried sick. I hope she'll get better too...
loveris blogged at 8:57 PM
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Thursday, April 27, 2006
Almost there...
I am sooooooo excited, my new house looks fabulous... I am very happy.. It wasnt fully done though but i can already virtualise how our house would look like after we've put in the furnitures... you know, its really exciting. It wasnt that i wasnt keen with blogging anymore, i've been tied to my ends, hair standing and always fumbling with my nest-building stuff.... I miss my Mainemaine a lot. I asked her the other day to make sure she get the situation right... "Maine, are you excited about our new house?" "Do you like your room?" "Do you know who you will be living with during weekend after we move in?" "Didi?" ("Didi" means younger brother in mandarin) "What if Mummy gave birth to a meimei? (younger sister)" And she smile smile, scratch her hair, look to one side then back... and say.. "Meimei, also ok..."
Actually i know the reason to why she likes to have a little brother than a little sister so much.. but i did not really discuss this with Stev.. I always choose to laugh and say that she probably worried that she will have to give her dolls and dresses to her younger sister.. Deep down, i knew... she is really just feeling insecured... scared.. that Mummy will love the new baby more than her..
loveris blogged at 6:07 PM
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Saturday, April 22, 2006
Preparing myself...
I need to stop for a while to catch my breathe... the week had been hectic, no wonder the stress level always hits the roof whenever busy people like us struggle to put things together.. making things right. I'm talking about putting up our place, Stev called it building our home. This evening, we brought Maine to the new place to have a look... i told her how the painters had just painted her room... she as excited as we are... We are very excited.. in no time, we will be living together.
loveris blogged at 11:16 PM
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Saturday, April 15, 2006
About step-parenting...
Maine was playing with her polly-pockets while i engrossed in a new parenting magazine which i just got hold weeks ago.. the thing with my job is my abundant access to over-issued magazines... and ashamed was i.. this was the first time i picked up a parenting magazine. It was the January 2006 issue... Not too bad, at least it wasnt too far back dated... I paused for some good o' seconds after reading through that article.. Whats in my mind at that moment of time? Hints of hesitations.... doubts... and worries... Maine called out to me gesturing at the new tricks her polly-pockets dolls could do now... and i smiled in returned. Putting down the worries of those challenges awaiting stev and myself... i dragged my heavy body off the sofa and ushered maine to her bedroom for her afternoon nap. It was evening when i passed stev that parenting magazine.. i read a look of surprise on his face.. I dont really look like that sort of people who would indulge in parenting magazines.. rather, fashion and cookbooks are much preferred over. I flipped to that article which i'd "dog-earred" earlier on and he read on.. I love him. I know he will love my child as well...
loveris blogged at 11:26 PM
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Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Somedays i'm just depressed...
Sitting by the lookout bay, looking over the stillness of the night.. A sudden thought came to me... what if i pass away tomorrow? I am young.. I know.. but the truth is that... this is not the first time i thought about this question. Maybe i should start making plans... i thought to myself. Yes.. i am still very affected by what she had said to me that day... I can remember every single words, it hurts like hell... Sometimes, i wish i could be hard-hearted. If only my words could materialise. I know i am sad.. somehow or rather, it must have affected my mood... but i am clear, it wasnt because of that, i started to think about the worst that could happen to me. We were having a couple of drinks... red wine over a lookout bay.. cigerettes and a couple of silly jokes... but those werent enough to lift up my mood.. The usual cheerful self wasnt even smiling... i stared at the stack of serviettes.. My eyes caught the pen sitting in my friend's shirt left-pocket... Can i draft my will right here? Right now? I am really in a cage.. now my tiny cage-door is open but there's only one path out..
I am not a brave person actually. I like to run away from the reality... Like an ostrich, digging a hole to hide my head in... I even have the silly idea to maybe try stay awake all night, so that the nights became longer... and mornings will not come so fast.. and that reporting to work would not daunt me anymore.
loveris blogged at 11:11 PM
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Sunday, April 09, 2006
Behind the smile....
I thought clubbing would be a good break to take from my stressful work.. but i ended up.. pathetically... trying to find some mere solace in the activity last night. I didnt had a nice homecooked meal as planned... i was crying all night till i fell asleep... I asked myself before, "How much more is needed to undo the wrong?" But after what she told me in my face... i know that no matter how much i do... its never goin' to lighten her hatred for me... If she can said that without hesitations... it must be something that she had always wanted to tell me... Its life..
i smile, but who knows whats behind that smiling face...
loveris blogged at 12:39 AM
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Thursday, April 06, 2006
Today is my Birthday...
I always like birthdays... birthday cakes, nice dinners with loved ones, presents, drinks... are all the things that i enjoy. Somehow, this year... i feel old... to the extent of not wanting to celebrate my birthday at all... I kinda feel distant from my family for the past few months.. we seldom talk as much now.. as i was always not around. I have been staying over at Stev's place very often now and missing out from family activities... I think my sisters must be angry with me, even if they arent, they should be feeling uncomfortable somehow. I am not sure... I just hope they'll understand.. Lots of things need to be done... Mum came visiting today. I am not sure if its because of my birthday.. we werent planning to celebrate anything but i heard Mum's cooking dinner for us. I always love my Mum's homecooked meals.. How i wish we could have it more often... (Many should know by now that my parent dun stay with us and they visit us at least once a week.) Sometimes i blamed my Mum as i cannot understand her reason for not wanting to stay with us. I told her once that i really cant understand... "How i wish i can be with Maine everyday... why dont you want to be with us everyday...?" My sisters gave me some funny expressions, dropping hints... I know... Mum will breakdown wont she? And yes... she replied my question with her voice breaking. Today is my birthday and i should be feeling happy. I look forward to the dinner later. I had dinner with my family last week... but it seems like months ago... Happy birthday to Ris...
loveris blogged at 5:50 PM
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Wednesday, April 05, 2006
I feel married...
Yes... i do... and i am still trying to adapt. Stev asked me during dinner how do i refer to others when they speak about him. I gave him a cheeky smile and i said, "I'll said my husband this... and my husband that..."
He must be happy with the answer.. he beamed.. and i like that smiling look of him, eyes crinkled into lines and eyebrows slightly raised. I like his smile, i like my husband's smile.
When i asked him in return, "So how about you?".. He smiled and said, "My wife."
Just a few hours ago, we were at the renovators trying to bring down the renovation quotes. Stev's mum did most of the talking... while i just simply nod and agree or raise some questions.. or disagree and make some suggestions.. I hope the reno works would turn out well.. i mean, i hope to have the place nicely done up and everyone would like it... I think we were lucky to have the folks helping out... we were so lost at first...
Come to think of it.. in another few months.. or perhaps, 2 months the least, i will be moving out of my family and stay in a new place... It will be a great change for me, afterall, stev's family and upbringing is very different from mine. Hopefully my few years of staying with the (ex) in-laws could be bring to good use... hopefully, everyone will get along with me...
Yes, i am kinda worried.
I am already missing my family, my home and every laughters and squabbles i had with my siblings.
loveris blogged at 11:07 PM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
My dear readers....
Many foreign readers mistook my ROM for my actual wedding ceremony...
In singapore, when we registered our marriage (ROM) we need to solemnise and have our rings exchanged. We also need to make our vows and sign our names on the marriage certificate. This can be done privately or formally in the Registry of Marriages, Singapore (a government body).
Most people have their registration and the customary ceremony done on the same day.. but we couldnt... as we had just recently bought a flat. In order to be legal owners of a flat (in Singapore), we need to be in either "Husband and wife" or "Parent and child" relationship.... Therefore, we need to register our marriage within a certain time period in order to become legal owners of our flat...
Hope that clear up the doubts...
By the way, my CUSTOMARY WEDDING CEREMONY will be held on the 22th of December.. A few more months to go...
Where have i been? I have been extremely busy and stressed up these days... Put aside the work i need to done to prepare for my wedding... renovations, furnitures-shopping etc... I have to face the tremendous workload from my office.. Argh, better off trying my hardest to put everything aside.. Hey.. i'd already knock-off.. ya'know..
I need to find some sanity...
loveris blogged at 6:35 PM
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Sunday, April 02, 2006
My ROM @ 31.03.2006
loveris blogged at 11:55 AM
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Thursday, March 30, 2006
A very important week...
This week is one of the most important week of my life...
Tuesday (28/3) - Stev and I got the keys to our house... We are now official owners of Blk 63A Lengkok Bahru...
Friday (31/3) - Stev and I will register our marriage at the Registry of Civil and Muslim Marriages, Fort Canning... Stev took 4 days of work to prepare for the marital status change... while i still slog like a bull in my office. Esctatic to think of it...
Last checked,
.
My dress is ready....
Maine's dress is ready...
My ring-pillow is ready...
I spent days making this... Stev's creativity kicked in when he suggested potpourri for the fillings.... say nice... i really like it.. 
Maine's wrist corsage is ready...
.
.
I am ready..
Yes.. i can finally say this.
loveris blogged at 12:28 AM
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